कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो

To HER..

कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो ..
कैसे बताऊं  ...
तुम पूजा हो मेरी ,
तुम ही तपस्या हो 
मैं  Helium ,तुम  Nuclear Fusion
मेरी Life की तूही  Oxygen
मैं  Cathode, तुम  Electron
मेरी Physics की तूही Newton
तुम धर्म हो. 
तुम ईमान हो
तूही नूर..
तुम मेरी जान हो 
कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो .

मैं Confused Question 
तुम Answer Perfect
मैं Sentence Fragment
तूही मेरी Subject
 मैं Mathematical Equation, 
तुम ही  Bracket 
Newton's Third law तूही 
मैं तो बस Rocket.
तुम शमां, मैं परवाना
तेरे इश्क़ में मैं दीवाना
तुम ही मेरी जीने की मकसद
तेरे खातिर मेरी इबादत
तुम ही आग , तुम ही नीर हो
तूफान में एक फकीर हो
.. कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो

मैं  Application ,तुम ही मेरी Database
मेरी Shadow Process की तूही Trace
मैं Aldehyde , तुम Aldol Condensation
मैं Plane,तुम Bernoulli's Equation
Bandwidth भी तुम, मैं तेरा Signal
मैं Byte Code , तू मेरी Compiler.
Writing की Shakespeare
Comedy की Johny Lever
तूही ग़ालिब  , तूही दीनकर
मेरे प्यार की Sachin Tendulkar
मैं बस एक काया,
तुम मेरी सांस हो
मेरी ख्वाबों की आकाश हो
मेरी मज़िल, मेरी तलाश हो
...कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो

उम्मीद हो तू मेरी, मेरी तकदीर हो
देखूं तुझे दिन रात , हाथों की लकीर हो
तमश में दीपक
अलंकार में रूपक
क्षितिज में फलक
क़ुरान की पहली आयत
मन्दीर की टीका हो तुम
मस्जीद की दुवा हो तुम
चर्च की Confession,
हर मर्ज़ की दवा हो तुम
....कैसे बताऊं मेरे लिए तुम कौन हो

PS : Just wrote on the rhythm of Javed Akhtar's song in the movie Wajood :)

India's daughter

Happened to watch India's daughter today.  And ended up with my night tossing side by side. Not that I was unaware of the information the program furnished, but I was astonished to know when a rapist claimed that it's been a routine task for the to indulge in such a filthy business but this time some blood and flesh came out.
I was deadly surprised by the statement of the advocate Khanna  who said that he won't have dithered to burn his daughters alive if theu had walked outside in the evening 9 PM with some male person .
Besides, he said that girls are like flowers and males are like thorn . If flowers come out amid thorns then there should be no doubt that thorns will sting them . Such metamorphic objectification of women tells everything about the status and the future of women . There is no women empowerment plan in this world which can improvise the situations of the women if we are masters of such mindsets.

The fricking male dominance in  our society is making this world less pleasant to live in .

Keep visiting us !

That evening was not as busy as it usually is - I could see from the window. Post Christmas things were supposed to be steady - they were.
Sauntering in the verandah , I was enthralled by the feelings of many things altogether.
We had no hurry as we were way ahead of the time. The Gardenia was fare-welling the daylight gradually.
We, the upper-middle class family, were trying to envelop all possible etiquette to dash the boundary that surpasses to so called higher and civilized class. It was quiet simple to understand in such occasions that more you pretended you belong to the godforsaken civilized class, more you were valued.
The girl's family had not arrived yet . We were waiting and waiting and waiting.
After half an hour a person in his 60s belled the door of our deluxe room - Three Naught Seven. We behaved exactly how we had rehearsed past an hour.
We were supposed to be patient and calm - all high class families remain so.
The gentleman was apologizing again and again for the delay in their arrival and was getting our 'no worries' response.

This was a get-together hosted by them to know the two families a bit before I were to be betrothed to the gentleman's daughter. The girl's family were staying in the room adjacent to ours.  As soon as the hosts reached the hotel, our values enhanced many-folds.
Formalities - asking and declining and asking again- went for an hour.

My to-be-in-laws were consistently trying to match our status.I was never valued with such an honor in my life - neither in almas nor in offices.
There is something in such get-tethers that you suddenly become dignitaries. I could notice many changes in my parents too .
My dad was talking about all my achievements and intelligences that I never knew when did I belonged. My housewife mom was deliberately chocking English
words between her words and sentences while she talked to her parents. Thanks god the girl was in her room.
The to-be-in laws too were adaging all possible adjectives to their culture, family backgrounds and so on.
An hour of hobnobs among the intellectuals on all possible topics - Culture to Politics to technology to movies to international affairs to burning issue- made me ashamed of my lack of diverse information even after my MBA and Engineering degrees.
Next, The duo family decided that I should understand; the girl to and perhaps vice-verse.
I never had a girlfriend because I didn't care initially and when I cared no one took interest in me . I am good looking and good earning, well qualified. So, whom to blame if no-girlfriend is a failure ?
Career?
OK, Career.

I had seen  Riya earlier in a family function but never talked. I already had some estimation about this 'to know' meeting, so I had an inchoate preparation for the situation. I always prepare for the incidents to arrive- I am an MBA.
'Hello'
'Hi' - the girl replied.
'So Can I know something about you' - shit! I asked as if I was HR of a official interview panel.
I got replies for all my planned queries - schooling, colleges, hobbies, friends, interests, career plan if any...
She didn't ask many things. Perhaps a to-be-bride should not. Never knew the rule though.
Silence.
...
Silence.
'I was informed that you are the most beautiful girl I am going to meet. That was a gross understatement' - I vomited what I'd rehearsed . Silence breached.

She smiled. I liked that. Liked the one who smiled as well.

While we were sent to know a bit, Our parents got into a discussion reserved for parents-only. Perhaps a serious one.

While I was passing by the host's room , I heard a whispering conversation . I shouldn't , but I held on there.
-" But... this is a very huge amount .. 80 Lacs..and other expenses too... "
- "I know but .."
- "Where will I arrange this much from ... ?"
- "We will manage.. we will sell those lands in the city and ... and ornaments too ... will get loans.  Won't we?"
-" Hmm- don't know!"
-"Hmm.. but we won't get better match ...it's her luck.
     ...
" and what's in our life after her.. it is going on somehow anyways... isn't it?"

" OK! - ( a sad voice) - telling them ... will see what's in our fate !"

I understood each and every word of the conversation. But,I tried to erase recent few minutes from my memory.
Suppose I didn't listen a word.
Suppose I was not passing by.
Suppose I was not there.
Suppose ...

But .. Suppose I was really a most sought-after boy and such boys cost of course . Don't?


Another half an hour.

So, The get-together was over. The very purpose of it was achieved.
All were happy. My parents and to-be-in-laws. Smiles on every face - genuine or not - didn't matter!.

'OK Sir! Don't forget to call us when you reach back your home.. and.. will meet soon to finalize dates. Son, Keep visiting us...' We listened in the last.

Somewhere in nearby... the song drew my attention and eluded me with a feeling ..
'I don't know why I love you but I do.
I don't know why I cry so but its true..
.............                                         ......' 


PS : This is my effort to capture 'the social business'.
     1. I am an ardent critic of dowry .
     2. I am bachelor and this story is product of my imagination . :)

~ Sumit

Life! I don't ask you too much.

 My bucket list.

Say it my web of imagination or an effect of Randy's The Last Lecture (I enjoyed reading) , I don't mind. All I believe that everyone has his own set of goals in the life. Sometimes they are accomplished to a considerable extent, sometimes they are lost .I recall the recent quote of Dr APJ Abdul kalaam-'Dream, Dreams transform into thoughts And thoughts result in action.' Unarguably, no change has occurred before someone has already dreamed of that.
I too have my own bucket list . No, My dreams are not to be the president of my nation or to be wealthiest person in the world. I firmly believe that happiness don't lie in one's being anything -est . I am simple and so are my wishes. Believing is doing. Isn’t ? So, let me jot down my wishes bit differently.

I meet the lushy green mother nature, pristine blue sky and flower and fruit ladden trees.Blue and green birds. I don't see many people.

A few I see are pretty much different from me. They look small but antique (pale golden skin, brown hair and grey eyes) - yes, the people.

Gosh! they too are staring at me.

Perhaps They too got something eccentric in me too , I feel. They smiled and moved by now. I wonder - where do they live ? Their clothes don't seem to bear any known brand?
Not a place I see where there is a piece of polythene or scrap iron. I have never see a place

which is bereft of the ubiquity of plastics. What do they eat - only fruits?

I reach to a hill's top. This serene place has got mesmerizing beauty. No one is gorgeous than mother nature. Oh!! I see some people are coming

out of a cave like home. so, there do they live!

I got it now - I am wandering through Newzealand's beauty.

My wish : Unraveling the Newzealand's  'The hobbit' village.

The train stops at an unknown station. This looks like a small Indian city. I get up from my berth and writhe my body slightly.

I come down the train to heave some fresh natural air. The station has turned slightly crowded because of the train's arrival.

The halt is for 10 minutes and I don't want to pack myself back to my berth.

Moving aimlessly on the station, I pass by a book shop. Let's see if I get something to read for a while.

Oh! I have seen this girl- I ask myself. She is from my compartment - my memory says. She is fair, blithe, don't-give-much-damn

and not-yet-married girl I guessed her personality for no reason.

'Excuse me! Do you have the book ----? ' She asks the vendor.

'Yes Mam'

'You have? Please give me a copy. Am looking for it since a time! Heard a lot!' Her eyes glitter.

I can see the book while she is paying for. The cover says - 'by Sumit K Jaiswal'

My wish : Writing an interesting fiction - not just for heck of writing but for my own happiness. To feed on a passionate author within me!

I am lip stitched. I am not able to utter a word. I just gift her a card scribbled with my handwritten song compositions.

A small word of request on the lower right corner of the card. I understand the very essence of each flop of this moment I have longed for.

She reads my card and smiles. I am still a robot - brain and movement are not in coordination.

She thanks me for the gift .

I don't say : You are the one whom I listen everyday routinely from years.

I don't say : I am your biggest fan.

I don't say : Please give me an autograph or a pic together.

I don't say : You are not just a singer for me!

I just capture everything of this time for eternity.

My wish : Meeting Shreya Ghoshal - my favorite singer and goddess of Indian music.

Ohh! That beautiful fish is emulating me. I just happened to touch the another  one. I am surrounded by uncountable small and large fishes.

The ground is goddamn colorful . No one is prey, no one is predator.  No one is listening me here, because no one is whispering here. Awesome blend of silence and serenity.

I am in different world, much heavenly  than where I live usually.  What am I doing here among the fishes? Every life is blithe here .. but verve in each .. don’t try to estimate.

My wish : Scuba diving in some calm and clean ocean.

The sky is studded with stars. The breeze is getting cold now. There is no mark visible on the white blanket of sand I am lying on. I am humming and sometimes talking to myself.

The noon was torrid . No large storms but still hot enough to not let me come down from my carrier and to not let me unwrap my immaculately covered body.

I was loving to be fooled my mirage . I am fool.

I am wanderer but not yet lost. Somewhere is I wish that I were lost . Such has been my fascination for the pulchritude of sands . 

My wish :  Enjoying desert nights preferably Arabian nights . 

I better won't say that I started loving her after the first glimpse of her , nor would I try to vindicate my position why she is best match for me. Perhaps she is not. 

Dreams are the one of a very few things on which human quench does not work out . They are basically some series of unplanned thoughts . She is getting filmed in my nights - not one but many . 

I feel I am attracted for no reason . Shirk off . Concentrate on stuffs . 

Shit! Does not work. 

Whether she knows or not. Who cares ? What will be the future ? Who cares? Whether I know her well or not ? Who cares ? 

I like love her  unconditionally and my expression of the feeling does not require myraids of metaphors .

The swerve of time has made our residences merely an ice-cream distance apart, but she does not know much more than my name and business. As she has not x-rayed my bio-data well, my proposal to her , which has only one chance in a million to occur, is  inclined more  towards rejection than towards acceptance. But, as she is one in million to me , my heart is hyper optimistic that one day I will be noticed and the my love ( actually our love) will be more nourished by the the morsels of time we are feeding it .

My Wish : Marrying the girl whom I love. 

-'What were you doing there in the park at mid night?'

-'I don't remember '

-'But some watchmen say that you were there. You were talking to yourself . Then, words are there that you rode to the temple, to the sea beach and then to the stadium. You returned in the dawn only.'

-' I didn't go anywhere . I don't lie. '

-' Had I believed you if there were no adequate evidences. What about those pebbles from the park in your pocket, the sand from the beach on in youre jeans fold, and tilak from the temple on your forehead ?  You have any idea how much dangerous it could be roaming like this? '

-'I don't understand anything'

-'Alas! I pray everything is fine' 

My wish : Spending one night walking in random with no memory of the whereabouts and incidents.

I can't write this to describe how bad or worst it  went or it could go. My personal prayer will always be that it does not occur to anyone deadly . May god do not test me and may god bolster anyone who suffers . But, I know that incidents accidents happen even after all our prayers and precautions .

I would be damn happy  if I could be equipped to save a single life that has transcended the threshold to the den where death resides.

My wish : Saving atleast one life.

'Class 12th results are out. As expected, the chidren of the 'Ghar' have performed stellar . This is noteworthy that these children have bereaved there biological parents and are mainly girls kid ....... '

I am happy to see such lines in about my NGO I named 'Ghar'. These news may not be very much attention seeking or profitable to many people , but I know how eagerly I have toiled . I adopted a hundred children from different sections of the society ( it is not to mention that female kid number will outdo that of male kid if I search them honestly ) and provided them their basic amenities. Many of them don't remember the physiognomy of their parents . With no pity on them, I love them indiscriminately . I will provide them the best I can do to chase their dream. I wish I could be useful to make my society worthwhile to some extent. 

Is there any other name of happiness ? 

My wish : Adopting a hundred children in my NGO and make them stand for a better society. 

'Business is not just a mind game . Blessings of the employee too matter a lot . ' - I murmur while taking a glance of the newspaper . The strands of my lips want to say many thing but they just vibrare soundlessly.

Mine is own start-up . The plan of my start-up was in my hind-side since very long . I coerced my plan into action 3 years back. I don't have very much planned business model . Too much planning ruin everything I believe. To me - If the people who work with you work for the organization heartily , the flower of achievements will always be theirs . The thing that you have to mange is to just pick the right people or else make them right after picking them ; and try making them happy before you unfurl the entrepreneurship sail . Sidling aside all the failure, Success conjure up. 

My believes are now in black and white . Just read the valuation and turnovers of our efforts .

My wish : Starting my own company and work for it religiously .

~ Sumit J

My life , My learning !

Every life, every love, every action and feeling and thought has its reason and significance: its beginning, and the part it plays in the end. - Gregory David Roberts .

No, I am not an old fellow ,  nor am I tormented in my journey so far. So, I am not supposed to steal this business of sermonizing on life  from the experienced people with salt-n-pepper.
Everyone has own way of living and certainly mine is my own . I have been taught many a times by the incidents and I believe I could learn in a considerable extent. My idea here is to just share some of the bullet-points that could be worthwhile for others too. Again , I  am claiming them as 'My top ten learning ' etc etc... because I know I am a passionate learner , So many more stuffs will come up in the list gradually.

Learn to say NO 
Many times we land ourselves in dubious position where our decision is strangulated  between our emotions and our willingness. Do what you really want to do. You know that you can't perform something candidly if you are not honest to you. Just refrain the situation . Be a naysayer when it is required to.

Just Begin .
Not sure how often you are victim of the kinds of procrastination , but I plan a hell to begin. I want to begin with perfection . Nothing in the history could have been accomplished that started perfectly .
And nothing can finish unless it is started. So, Just think  a moment and begin your task . Ruminating too much on planning itself is like flogging a dead horse.

Don't judge someone.
Don't underestimate or overestimate someone based on one incident or on one skill. Everyone has some quality . Just learn the quality if you think it is worth your while. Someone can be very skilled in some stuffs while very inept in other. You have to transcolate the exact one  when demanded.

 Create a virtual world !
The truth is always harsh howsoever pleasant it tries to be . There is nothing wrong in dreaming and creating a virtual world around you . The world may include your favorite idols, friends and places that otherwise could not be included in your real world.  If this brings happiness and keeps you motivated, there is nothing wrong . Make your life easy with smiles on your strands of lips .

Don't just follow.
Listen to all , but act what you feel is apt for you. Don't just implement everyone's advices or suggestions based on who advised you . There may not be any trick or self interest disguised in the person's word. However, the absence of trick does not make the decision apt for you . You must respect people's advises because you may get some light in them to make a good decision for yourself.

 Don't try to please all .
Don't dedicate your own self to create a happy world around you in which you yourself are ransacked. Don't try to make others laughter at the cost of your own little smile. You can't do this if you yourself are sacrificing . Remember you have your own self and you are not rajma -rice.

Fall in love and emotions.
Love anyone or anything you can . It can be your passion , some animal, some girl or boy, some actor or some habit. There is nothing wrong in being emotional . Shedding tears of pain and happiness is the one important feature that makes you living. Don't try to kill the emotions within you else you will end up being flesh-bone robot only.

Avoid thinking too much about them.
What will people think or say if I will do this?  Exorcise this thought from your mind. Oyr concern about others thought, their appreciations and their mockery don't lead  us anywhere rather to self debilitation . There are two points . First, People whom you bother about too much have many good works to do rather than thinking and quoting about you. They come to  know  only when you achieve something . Second, If some people are really concerned about your business and have got ample time to do so , they will embark in your business even if you won't do anything . They have just a leather tongue to tell anything. You really have to ignore them . Don't take them seriously.

Don't pretend to enjoy .
Happiness is the best gift one can ever own . You should try to steal happiness from every flop of moment if you can . But. don't pretend to enjoy if yor are actually not. You just leave that place rather than to pretend . The happiness should be witnessed by your heart not by elongating strands of your lips.

Say what you mean.
You must have seen many people who use the words  such as great, superb, beautiful, magnificent , impressive blah blah just for the heck of it . It might be possible that these words work for them and help them to make their assignments easy . But, I believe that don't overuse something so that it looses its very meaning . Don't keep admiring everything so that it becomes a cliche in your personality . Do appreciate something what you really mean. Your body language will help you very much in your loyalty to your expression and the people will value your words.

 You can't fool yourself .
You can trick anyone in this world with a little effort, but it is impossible to fool yourself . This is very generic in meaning and can be used in many aspects . You better know what you say and what you mean. You better know that how much effort you made genuinely to achieve something . You better know how much you love or hate someone.

 Everything doesn't have explanations.
It is very good to have scientific attitude and construe the very reason of happening. However, don't generalize your this attitude . There are many things which are beyond the ken of your explanations. They just occur because of no reason . You can't predict them by some theorems or principles. The existence of this world itself is one example. You can't say why are there so many stars and how the universe works so systematically. Does a child ask an explanation or proof to his mother if he is her child? There are many in the same league.

 Make friends.
'No man is failure who has  friends' I excerpted this from the last message of the movie 'It's wonderful life' . Once must watch this movie once. This movie shows you the very importance of your own life as well. Must make friends. This makes your life easy even if they are not very much useful in your life. Actually , the principle of friendship should never be the mutual utility but the sharing of similar opinions. Don't let a myth fence develop around you. No one is born great. I remember this quote in the context - ' There are two kinds of great people - One who born great and other on whom greatness is imposed' .

Don't get fooled by randomness. 
You must have seen people bragging about their handwork, discipline and dedication to their success. The other myriads of people keep on shedding their tears for their bad-luck for their failure . Both the contrasting groups are nothing but hypocrites who keep on changing their position.
The outcome will happen what it has to and we are just a puppet to some driving force we never confronted. I am not advocating that don't do anything because you don't have control. If you seat aside , then too something will be the result probably but not certainly away from your favor.
But , One should not think that he was the mere factor in the outcome. He was just one factor.
So, don't get fooled by the randomness of the nature .
Can you throw a handful of sand twice with exactly same location of each of the grains? You were just a puppet . position is determined by some driving power. 

Don't gulp in everything .
A healthy brain resides in a healthy body. You don't have to eat everything you come across. Remember you need to eat as much as your body demands. Over eating won't make you hyper active . You just keep burning your energy furnace with ample quality fuels rather than chocking with quantity of the fuels.

Don't reveal your plan before.
You don't have to make your plan public before it is executed. My personal experience has been that the number of hurdles increases if you do so. However, it depends upon person to person and the kind of the assignment too.

Stop living CV life.
You might have seen that people join some club , some philanthropy, some social activities and some donations just because they want to improve their profile. They don't enjoy them actually.
Some people are more concerned about their photographs than about their fun in the journey. You must avoid living a CV life just to impress others life long. A good inspector knows the difference between the genuine you and the you in your CV. So , it's better - Get a life!.


Sumit J

Diary of a person-to-be-hanged.

'The devil must be hanged !' is getting ubiquity in the air everywhere.  I don't say that punishment shouldn't be given. I don't vindicate anyone here. All I want to ask that are we just in the cases of executions ? Are we just or are we revengeful ? or both?  Revengeful justice can't be the move of a sound society . Think once - Are we destroying crimes or the people infected with such crimes? I believe latter only and we can't control crime by killing criminals . At-least not in a society that is itself strangulated between the hypocrisy of justice and revenge .  My view in terms of a person to-be-hanged.

There will be no sun for me. In fact ,I have not seen in last six months of my life, but I have experienced its warmth merely.  

My feelings and repentance don’t matter much .Never they did. I don’t deserve anything better than I will get soon.

I never felt low hitherto and I won’t let me feel so now- obstinately . I wish I were adequately educated to sermonize on life et al.

This is the vantage from where they share their experiences of life and they unbridled the mysteries of life-death phenomenon – The educated they are.

I will preferably remain unmoved on their way of justice – What am I going to turn now on evaluating that? – as they are wiser than me.

I am trying to shirk off my memories, but  they are one of few things that are beyond the reach of my knife’s blade. I am remembering my home today – I could never understand why they are so much fascinated for the unbaked-mortar structures. May be they have something better there to attach with. I don’t want to intervene in the aptness of etymology of the place and hence I too call the place home. And, I am missing all other paraphernalia of my old days. Had I followed to my mother’s instructions at least once , not for my goodness but for happiness. 

I never bestowed the bourgeois concepts of study-and-be-biggie and I don’t regret. No one turns biggie by befriending alphabets. I am also enveloped by the hazy memories of the nameless girl I was attracted. The wise people would have certainly called that as ‘love’ , but my attraction was not strong enough to transcend the cramps of my usually empty stomachs.  After her , any woman came in my business was a task  of either blade or  bed. Sometimes both. I progressed much in my business .

I don’t  have much understanding to regret on my acts even now.  They have been the products of my association with the people I lived with – unsure if they are good or bad- and my way of interpretation of meeting-our-ends (lecture on grand topics like  life is the business of wise people). If I have to regret on something, I will regret for the entirety of the people I lived with.

I am not begging for the pity; I left begging in childhood only and made others beg to me by far, but am asphyxiated by the hypocrisy of the wise mob. They made rules ; they are wise. They give justice ; they are wise. They made society and want to clean; they are wise. All I could understand that they are hypocrites. Their demand to my gallows was inspired not by the justice but by the revenge. 

Why is a wise man is asking death to another man. Do they really think that my absence will make their world better? They are trying to erase perpetrator ( criminal as they say) and not the act (the call it crime). They are educated fool.

The people who were very happy on the Friday , when their court decided to erase me , were the same people who were always present with me.

I robbed, they took away.

I killed, they instructed.

I raped, they delighted.

They don’t object my business unless they don’t want to fool themselves. In fact, they are the subject of my business.

They are not different, they are just me. Exactly. They will erase me and then one of them will again turn like me .

I can’t say that I don’t want to be alive but ……….Oh, whom am I talking to?

Shit! Emotions are not my side of the bread. 

‘One should be hard to himself and soft to others’ – I read it written on a wall of the house I robbed.

Dawn is arriving and I need to kiss the gallows. 

~ Sumit J

Dil Aakhir tu Kyun rota hai?- Frustated Version

 Frustated I wrote this when everyone was enjoying  holiday and I was in office .

Jab jab Office mein Tension aaya ,
Jab bhi frustation se Sar chakaraya,
Jab Gaali hothon tak aaya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Maine dil ko ye samjhaya ..
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?
Duniya mein aisa hi hota hai

Yeh jo job ki Laachari hai,
Duniya mein sab ko maari hai ..
Thoda excel hai sab ka hissa,
Thoda Show-off hai sab ka kissa..
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai ..
Cafeteria ka alag mausam hai
Tu kyun apni hanky bhingota hai ..
Duniya mein aisa hi hota hai ..

Har Company ki ek hi bimaari hai,
Boss ki khusi sab pe bhaari hai
Thode tukado ki hai maaya,
Sabke dimaag mein usika saaya
Tu kyu apne 'new-ideas' rota hai
Har note pe jab 'Gandhi' hi hota hai ..
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?
Duniya mein aisa hi hota hai

Office toh  Juhu chaupati hai,
Kabhi bekaar, kabhi raas aati hai
Kuchh log hote hain hard-working,
Pisste rahte hain morning-to-evening
Par Tu kyu itne tension leta hai?
Hardworker toh saala 'gadha' bhi hota hai ..
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?
Duniya mein aisa hi hota hai

Creativity natural gift hai, lag-bhag sabme hota hai ..
Aur talent ka kya; Wo last bench pe sota hai..
Tu 'uski' baaton mein kyun confused hai?
Kyun itna usko bhaav deta hai....
'Rancho' chaahe jo koi bhi ho ..
Manager hamesha 'Chatur' hota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?
Duniya mein aisa hi hota hai

Apraisal ki bhi ajeeb abhilaasha hai ,
Happiness ki jaise ek bhaasa hai ..
Lekin month-end mein kangaali aani hi hai ..
Phir kyun itne Talwe dhota hai
GDP tak  toh okie hai..
Par HI ka bhi kuchh matlab hota hai ..
Maine dil ko yeh samjhaya...
Har HR portal mein ek 'Separation' tab hota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?


By ~ Sumit , 7th Sep, Technical jail  :(

The Swerve

As his car stopped again only after making a countable rotations, Sanjay's vacillation appeared to his word this time. Nodding to the old temple of some unknown goddess alongside the road, he murmured - 'O god ! Why did you make these poors in the world? What can they give to the world? They are just an obstacle to  the world's progress as they encumber the important people like me.'

Sanjay had come to Kolkata for two prime purposes. He had a business meeting with one of the renowned trader in Salt lake and he had to thank goddess Kali for his fulfilled business successes. He was to reach the famous Dakshineswar  temple for sure . It was difficult to sense even for him  that his meet to the goddess Kali was mandatory for the devotion he had or for making room to next offering once he could make for next success . Whatever be the reason , but he was quintessentially representing the people who turn religious once they hit the much coveted fame and prosperity.

Sanjay was a famous icon in the southern suburb of the city now. Not that he did not toiled to achieve and maintain the status quo, not that he did not go thorough the Crest -troughs contour of the sought after affluence he embraced , but there was something that kept him out of the ilk of zillions , who worked hard similar to or even more than Sanjay, but still collapsed to garner even a bit of what he had. Luck is indeed where preparation meets opportunity .

The driver got the chance to ride the car once again - of course at snail pace and for short while. It was five in the evening already and Sanjay was tensed that he won't be able to catch up his plans. So was his driver somewhere , perhaps, for not being able help his master in this regard. 
Looking towards the window pan and trying to be relieved , Sanjay heaved a ostensible sigh of relief .
What was the date when he moved Kolkata ?  He could not remember the date. Nothing was eccentric in that . He too would be convinced with the same some years back . The brains with inadequately filled stomach can  think only to meet the next end or the next day and strictly not to the numbers that come and go in the lives of poors. Such days and numbers are the jewels of rich, who always seek an excuse to be happy . But, perhaps , he too was not agreed now. While his car was moving ahead, Sanjay got enough time to ruminate back in his past.

The year was 2008 . The river Kosi was proving its sobriquet ' Sorrow of Bihar' apt. Kishanganj region of Supaul was heavily affected by the flood . People were forced to vacate the place with their little basic paraphernalia. Sanjay, an unemployed literate or better to say a disguised employed  farmer, was bound to leave the place with his small family. Already anxious of his struggling life, Sanjay looked to the the flood water nearby and murmured in the sky with tears - ' O God! Why did you give birth to poor people like me ? Of what use are we in this world? Why do you test always to poors? '

With not much money and wealth, he preferred to stay with his one acquaintance in slum region of north Kolkata. This disaster too would have been taken casually , if political parties were not trying to consider this flood a perk for their success in forth coming election. The paper works were magically fast this time and the promises to the villagers were fulfilled soon.

 Sanjay unwillingly emulated his friend and invested part of precious amount he had as  flood relief compensation  in construction business, while part in lobbying political influences to keep the former running.  His luck made a toss- this time a good one- and he earned the rainbow soon.  Most often, money brings intelligence as well. Sanjay started his own business with the winning amount with some partners in Kolkata. Heydays didn't took too long to arrive.

The traffic was not much by now. The driver picked up the gear once again to make a swerve and reach the rendezvous temple . But, Somewhere Sanjay was realizing 'the swerve' that affluence imprints on one's thought.

PS : This story is just a product of my imagination and I am learning to imagine strong plots.  :)

And I will not die again.

I am tired of my life. I don't have right to disturb everybody whether or not they say a word for this. But.....
but , what to do ? I can't take care of myself . It's better to end this life.
My half of the body is paralyzed. I am lying on the bed since six months. In the beginning , I thought that this was for a short duration and soon I would recuperate . But , it persisted on . I don't feel anything in my lower half of body . To put in words , I am half dead.  Yes! a half dead.
I always ask my mother - 'Why did this happen to me?' and answer is a silence most of the time and some consolations for the remaining times.
My grief increases many fold when the relatives visit to see me . I should not doubt their intentions but I feel bad for each meet . They talk of god, fate and bad luck. They talk of karma. I listen them silently, nod for them mechanically and giggle with them wryly .  Do they think that I can't get up again? Do they attribute my suffering to me? I don't know . Definitely not much . But, Unbeknown to how others react - do they hide their tears or do they content for successfully fulfilling their formality - I sense a pair of eyes whose corners turn watery whenever I become successful to control my water - my mother's eyes.

I visit doctors every alternate day or every week . I don't visit the same face for many times. I am treated less like a patient and more like an experimental bot . I am no longer fascinated to this profession now. Sometimes I am asked many weird questions. I fail to understand their relation in the course of treatment .
'What is the color of sky? ' 'What is the result when 42 and 37 are summed up? ' blah blah .
The doctors give justification that I might have fallen a few times, considering my incapability to balance myself and hence were those question to confirm my mental condition. Alas ! I am given clean cheat every time.  Sometime I feel too bad. If I were not patient or they were not my doctors , I would have definitely asked them something like 'square root of 3' to prove those questioners inadequately sane. But...
but... I am helpless.

I have not seen my school after first terminal examinations. My friends visit me sometimes. Their words of optimism don't match their facial expression . I don't let them see the darkness in my eyes.
Sometimes I try to read some books laying on the bed. My parents herald my this effort as a step in my recovery. I too don't give up. Now, I don't solve mathematics problems, but read them . I don't know when will I solve them.
Sometimes I falter. I cry  and cry a lot . I ensure that I am not being watched. Soon, I envelop the ostensible veneer of optimism, bravery and confidence. I don't want to hurt my parents.

***
Today is Christmas . I am giving up all my hopes. I already have lost faith in god and now same is true for doctors too. There is no sliver of recovery.  I don't cry now. My tears nerve have dried, perhaps. People don't visit to see me now. Friend are busy with their are exams.
I don't want my mother to take me to toilet every-time.I am 15 and I feel bad  and embarrassed. 
Today I have got the complete leaf of Tencodep tablets (sleeping pills). My grandma takes these pills. She forgot the pills near my bed.
I am willing to die now. You don't have right to be burden on others' lives. I will gulp all the 10 pills together on 2nd Jan - I decide.  I don't want to spoil family's very first day of new year.

***
Crumbs! I can't die too. One new doctor is experimenting on me. And, though he is not famous doctor, my parents have too much hope on him. I too will cooperate him till 2nd Jan. I don't want to be called as 'coward ' . I am just helpless. When all blessings, wishes, offerings and treatments failed to make me stand, I am giving one experimental opportunity to this mediocre doctor too.I have zilch in hope.
I am holding my tears and girding up  for new avalanche of injections and pills.  Anyways, I have been injected a hundred of injections and five hundred pills hitherto - I calculate. Not a matter of bravery , but a matter of helplessness. I will not allow anyone to play with my body after 2nd Jan.

***
'I don't know this experiment' I reply. I try but in vain to hold my tears. It is something like flood of tears breaching all boundaries. I didn't cry eve before in front of my friends.  My chemistry teacher holds me. He loves me . I appeared this laboratory after eight months. I missed several papers in final exams as well.
' Here is the real genius' told my maths teacher in the class in my appreciation ' You can't score 57 genuine marks in mathematics without actually solving a single problem unless you are a real genius' .
On my class teacher's suggestion and principle's consent , I am promoted to next class.

Things have changed now. The world is as beautiful to me now as it was eight months back - perhaps even more beautiful. I love myself more than I did so ever before. I can walk now, I can run now and I can play now.  Amid all this, I learned two important chapters that no school will teach me. First, there is a god . Because He has many people to visit, He may be bit late , but He does listen for sure. He tests his beloved ones occasionally.
And.... Second...
Life is beautiful. Not all do recognize the preciousness of this bounty .

And.... I decide... I will not die again... ever .... and ..... forever.

Sumit J